chimerism

olive juice

2010-02-05T02:55:00.002-05:00

hard core. Ms. Oatman.

giants everywhere!

2010-01-09T16:07:00.004-05:00

check it. giant women porn. this first one would be an awesome painting.

mellow-dramatics and bear suits

2010-01-09T15:50:00.005-05:00

yeah sometimes i get a little dramatic.... so what? you can't hate a gal for her histrionics.

here is a recent watercolor i did. it was based off whats called "transformation porn."

did you know there is even a niche for people who like giant women, like Godzilla size women stomping through cities and lounging among small vehicles and houses? weird, but awesome.

bw

2010-01-08T16:11:00.001-05:00

back to the bones

2010-01-08T15:56:00.002-05:00

i keep wanting to write. anything, something. i have these thoughts at night, and a sudden bravery that comes along with them. yes, i fucking can do what i want! genius thoughts, or sometimes just sentiments of what i wish for myself. i keep thinking, "26, 26, 26?" ive wasted so many years. up until 21, life was a progression..... then it became a breath stopped short. suffocation. i walk through the primordial ooze that has become every waking day, and oh god it shouldn't be this much of a struggle to live, to breathe....

Butchertown Art Fair

2009-05-18T15:43:00.004-04:00

Thanks to everyone who bought my stuff, liked my stuff, complimented me on my stuff, or made requests for stuff!! Here are some photos from Sunday funday.

PS- the necklaces are not waterproof. do not take in the shower!

alas.

2009-05-08T01:39:00.003-04:00

these passages are what i hope to feel soon... cuz i haven't in a while. and believe me, i try.

I CELEBRATE myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.

I loafe and invite my soul,
I lean and loafe at my ease observing a spear of summer grass.

My tongue, every atom of my blood, form'd from this soil, this air,
Born here of parents born here from parents the same, and their
parents the same,
I, now thirty-seven years old in perfect health begin,
Hoping to cease not till death.

-WALT WHITMAN

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

-EE CUMMINGS

oaks night

2009-05-08T01:27:00.003-04:00

cardinals

2009-04-16T05:40:00.002-04:00

this is a piece i recently made and am really happy with. these cardinals i also made into pendants.

some good 'uns from thailand.

2009-04-14T20:48:00.000-04:00

the ky girlhood project.

2009-03-29T17:18:00.002-04:00

my photos hanging on the left wall at the art museum in Murray State.

some more watercolors.

2009-03-27T19:04:00.004-04:00

i have started making pendants out of these water colors and the ones in previous entries. they are looking pretty good and will hopefully be available at Cherry Bomb soon.

pendants and a mural.

2009-03-14T13:33:00.005-04:00

COME BUY NECKLACES!

2009-02-24T23:17:00.004-05:00

I'm going to be selling my necklaces again this weekend at this event to support women with breast cancer. Please come this Saturday. There will be food and wine at the Riverbend Winery. You can also purchase a benefit calendar of burlesque hotties! It's free to attend. Part of the donations of every sale will go to this organization.

art party

2009-02-22T14:28:00.006-05:00

so i was part of a show selling some necklaces at 6th and oak. thanks to all who came! here are a few crappy pics taken with a camera phone. yes, my digital is still broke. if you see anything you like or remember a piece from the event, please email apesprill@aol.com with the subject "necklace".

i'm a rambler.

2009-02-19T11:32:00.006-05:00

keeping with my persuasion toward never staying in one place (this is the longest i've been in one city since high school), i really can't keep going on a project i start for more than a week or two. i constantly crave something new. that's why i'm putting away the necklaces and water color for a bit and going back to this collage idea i have. this is the first (and smallest) one i made. i've been cutting up pictures of underwater animals and plants, and of course, birds. i envision a sort of filigree of plants or creatures with one or two that may stand out if one pays attention. like an amorphous collage of corals, pond weed, and moss with a little baby deer running through it. and maybe a tiny wolf stalking her in the corner. i don't know why i've come up with this vision but it drives me to fulfill it. it doesn't sound like much, especially when i see it now on the screen.

but, trust me, in my head, it's extraordinary.

i miss writing.

its time.

2009-02-13T17:15:00.002-05:00

i'm taking the framed photographs to Murray State on sunday. i've been putting off the 3 hour drive to the boondocks much too long. i'm kind of excited. it's one of my first big important shows. i even had to sign a loan agreement. oooooh.

speaking of birds.

2009-02-11T01:11:00.003-05:00

i think i've been obsessed with birds lately. here are some recent ink and water-colors i've painted. these are just parts since i couldn't fit the whole paintings in the scanner. camera still broke. what ev.

To: dear friend From: april

2009-02-11T00:45:00.003-05:00

these make really awesome valentines. from dollfacedesign. i'm cutting some up and giving them to people. like the good ole days when you stayed up all night planning which classmate got what garfield cartoon valentine. making sure to give your crush the one with a subtle hint in the message. "will you be my valentine?"

also, i am going to thailand in a few months! must plan. so excited.

woah

2009-02-04T18:37:00.003-05:00

These are for real. They also have "ex-hypocrite", "ex-fornicator", "ex-athiest", etc. AND NOW you too can get your own at The Passion For Christ Movement. Awesome!! I wonder why these all seem targeted to black people?

Here is an actual quote from the site:

"WOW!!!! To Glory be to God forever the ex-masturbatur t-shirt is blazin hott got to purchase me one i'm a witness that freely by grace through faith proceeding with true repentance JESUS is a habit breaker."

Looks like Jesus didn't bless him with the gift of correct grammar and punctuation.

CONQUEROR

2009-01-30T20:43:00.004-05:00

Here is the online version of my winning photograph articley thingy.

and because of the ICE STORM OF 09, i've had no power or heat and am staying on the floor of my mom's art studio with my boyfriend, dog, and cat. its like a weird slumber party. we drank whiskey and played scrabble and i cried about my dead brother. my mom has a poem in her studio that i wrote about him the night he died. once a year i cry about him and explain to one lucky person the depths of the heartache i've been carrying around inside.

cest la vie.

MANIC MONDAYS

2009-01-27T01:45:00.006-05:00

so in the tradition of many blogs i've read, i'm starting a list of things that inspire me (art, decor, photos i take, blogs or websites) to be posted every monday, because everybody needs inspiration to begin the week. I've started to redecorate my room and i hope to draw from these crazy dreamy places that people actually live in....

some of these photos are from the selby. hope you enjoyed!

obamaaah

2009-01-24T02:16:00.003-05:00

ahh as in relief.

and my fucking camera broke so i won't have any new crafts up until its fixed although i've been making A LOT. maybe i can get my scanner up and running. stay tuned.

yes, that's great for you. but what about me!?

2009-01-16T16:52:00.021-05:00

So, I entered photo-graphy in the LEO contest, no big deal-- I thought maybe I had a chance. I also persuaded my boyfriend, Nick, to enter because he has loads of artistic talent but he's creatively inactive. I told him which of his photos I liked, including the one above. The image of the bird taking flight against the background of a water-damaged wall is not only aesthetically beautiful, but it also touches on a personal level because its from a Katrina-ravaged squat in which we stayed in New Orleans. So we both entered this contest-- him in B&W and me in color.

This morning, Nick got a call from LEO telling him he won 1st place in the B&W photography contest which includes being published in LEO, $125 cash, and a party in his honor. I was happy for him, but as he was listening to the lady on the phone, I mouthed, "I told you so, I told you so!" which is kinda bitchy, I guess. My jealousy had kicked in. All I was thinking is that he would have never even been considered unless I had helped him print his photo, color-correct it, and basically spoon feed him the directions on how to enter (he didn't care enough to look up the rules online). Oh, and I even (thank god) caught a mistake he made by signing his name on the photo which it clearly states in the rules is something that automatically disqualifies you. I begrudgingly blacked out his name and even lent him the 3$ entry fee that he has yet to pay back.

I was happy for him but still feeling that I deserved at least a sweet, "Gee, girlfriend, thanks for encouraging me to enter this contest. I couldn't have done it without you!"

But instead, he was like, "Stop gellin'."

So, he checked his email like the LEO lady told him to do and ( over his shoulder, what do I see?) my email address was also in the CC heading. After checking my own email, I found out that I was awarded with something, but they didn't specify what place or if it was merely an honorable mention, etc. So I wait and wait and wait what seemed like a half hour, but was at most five minutes, for the call I knew was coming. Turns out that I had been awarded none other than FIRST FUCKING PLACE for my color image entitled In the Reeds (it's meant to be viewed in a larger format in all its detailed glory, oh well):

Isn't that cute? The Winning Couple! But seriously it's freakin' weird. I wonder how many people entered the contest, who judged, and all sorts of factors that would lead up to BOTH of us winning first place? I suppose our selections were both filtered through

the same 2 brains as we bounced thoughts off each other trying to edit down our own selections. This seems to support the notion that there exists some sort of "universal taste" (or at least a LEO taste) that we both appealed to. I dunno. I'm just happy I got some recognition. Feels good. Oh, yeah, the money doesn't hurt.

Also, I got accepted to this show which is super cool, because some Kentucky artists who I also admire are featured in it. I guess if I just put the effort into getting my stuff out there then I will likely get rewarded.

Woot.

something completely different.

2009-01-10T19:59:00.008-05:00

making these necklaces. seems i can only find bird images that fit these semi-spheres to my liking. i will keep looking though.

and this is an ink and water color i've been working on. i haven't painted in a while sooo it's quite frustrating. the flash on the camera makes it look weirder than it is.

with my christmas gift card to Borders, i bought Consider the Lobster and Other Essays. i'm trying to figure out why every literary major geeks out over this David Foster Wallace guy. and since i have a limited attention span, i decided to start with his book of essays instead of Infinite Jest, his more renown 1000 page novel. so far, it's not blowing me away, but i'm only like 5 pages in.

oh and PS- i've figured out that, when reading a piece of poetry, i'm immediately turned off when i see the word "soul".

i know, i'm, like, totally jaded. for real.

dreadless.

2009-01-06T19:32:00.004-05:00

yeah i cut my dreads off a couple weeks ago. nobody seems to notice.

before.

after.

NYE in hindsight.

2009-01-03T13:46:00.003-05:00

i think this was right about FOUR, three, two......

2008 is dead....

2009-01-02T00:44:00.002-05:00

goodbye, last year.

NEW YEAR

2009-01-01T13:52:00.006-05:00

woot! first sober new year's eve in a while. but it was awesome. somehow, i felt drunk and lovely. i got to see all the secret things that go on when nobody's looking because everyone's drunk. it's like i'm recording a dream they had, one of the ones they forget upon waking.

this year is going to be a doozy. remember Y2K? i do, like it was yesterday... my uncle was stock piling guns and toilet paper in his basement. i was excited for the world to go crazy. i was ready to live in a teepee and hunt wild animals with sticks, but alas, it's still the same world it always was. and i need something different.

seems we're always living in the pre-apocalyptic era. forget post-modern. i'm waiting for the world to end.

My Hero

2008-12-30T21:30:00.006-05:00

You know Eartha Kitt died, right? Well, the only thing with which my brain associated her was a little gem of a movie called Ernest Scared Stupid, where she played a supporting role as a crazy witch named Old Lady Hackmore. And seeing as how I was already sentimental, this memory made me reconsider a more important figure from my childhood. Yes, the late and great, Jim Varney as Ernest P. Worrell.

As a nubile pre-teen, I was almost unnaturally infatuated with this man. Not only was I naively sexually attracted to him, but I also looked to him as a protective brother figure and the father I never had. This projection could have been because he had the same southern accent that I associated with one side of my family (after all, he was born in Kentucky). But more likely my intense attraction was due to his sincerity, his complete lack of pretension, and his desire to help anyone in any way possible. He was, in many ways, an idol; the person I wanted to be, and also the person I felt I was, because, like Ernest, I was continuously getting fucked over by someone, or taken advantage of for my generosity.

In the early nineties, when I popped in that newly rented VHS and began watching his adventures play out, not only was the character of Ernest appealing, but there was something else. It was as though, beyond all his blunders and wild-eyed expressions, I could see an underlying sadness, an indication of the real-life mystery man who was James Albert Varney Jr. When Ernest became distraught because he was in a state of confusion or some one made fun of him, it was as if Jim Varney himself existed in this state.

In Ernest Goes to Camp, he sits alone after having been abandoned by his friends, and sings a song about being glad it's raining "because the gentle rhythm soothes the pain inside, so no one knows his heart broke right in two." His deep cigarette-scarred vocals serenaded me as we both wept. I must have cried a dozen times to that scene and others like it. In every similar scene, my youthful intuition told me that it was really Jim that harbored all that pain, because, while he pulled off his comedic scenes with ease, he was never more adept than in the tragic moments.

When he died in 2000, it struck me as sorrowful in more ways than one. I was then only 17, and close enough to those pre-teen years to feel the loss on a personal level, but too busy to really think about what his passing meant to me. Now I am older and more keen on intellectualizing our strange relationship, Ernest, Jim and I. His death was the death of my juvenile melancholy, but also my fledgling hopes for myself, that I too might grow to be as kind-hearted as him. I don't mean that all of my prepubescent angst or hopes died with him, but that he was the poster child for my naivety. Ernest made it possible for me to express my sadness while maintaining my romanticism for life. Because I believe Ernest knew his true self, he represents my present need to return to the authenticity I once posessed.

Jim, then, must represent the ever-lingering self-doubt, but also the freedom to express unpleasant emotions. After some research, I found out that Jim Varney died of lung cancer after smoking several packs a day since age 15 and suffered two divorces in his life. He was trained as a Shakespearean actor and hit it big with a series of local commercials playing Ernest, a character of his own creation, thus leading to the series of movies. Months before his death, he was known to have repeatedly visited Childrens' Hospitals to entertain cancer patients.

So, what started as an innocent girl favoring a colorful movie character, spawned a rather intellectual young woman who isn't ashamed of emulating a kindhearted, emotionally vulnerable honkey. And I hope others out there may find the confidence to relate. Because I'm sure y'know what I mean, Vern.

wet blanket.

2008-12-29T12:47:00.005-05:00

(photo by april gastinger)
okay, i told someone that i'm about to have my period (its never regular) a couple weeks ago because i am so emotional, but as it turns out, i just need to cry. its getting so bad that yesterday, i couldn't find my new car insurance card, so i broke down in the middle of a pile of papers and lethargically continued to toss them into the air in a helpless painful sort of way. the antithesis of Scrooge McDuck with his gold coins, if you will.

i want to listen to sad songs and feel good about my melancholy. i'm tired of all my fall-back songs so i need someone to recommend a good sad song. or top 5s.

cheesy i know but these are always good ones...

i also did this over the holdays...

2008-12-26T20:33:00.006-05:00

complete crossword puzzles.

look at porn.

so it wasn't all crying this month.

christmas lament

2008-12-26T15:15:00.007-05:00

i cried three times on Christmas day.

i woke up at 9am and got in a huge fight with my boyfriend. he hates waking up early. it makes him physically ill. then my dog ran out the front door and it took a half hour to get her back. i was walking down the street with a leash in my hand, hopelessly whipping it against the asphalt, bawling out loud.

consequently, we were 2 hours late to visit his parents where we ate and opened presents, yadayadayada. but then they all opened a small present given to them by my boyfriend's brother and his wife. it felt like a plastic candy bar and, when revealed, turned out to be a little picture frame with a weird little black and white photo in it. we all squinted at it and turned it upside down until finally my BF's mom let out a diamond-splitting yelp and started jumping around, hugging everyone, and crying. it was a fetus! so then, i too started hugging and jumping and crying along with everyone else.

my BF gave his brother a huge bag of yerba mate tea (which he hadn't ever tasted), so he thought it would be nice to make some for him in a french press. i was trying to give BF some advice on how to prepare it with a french press, but what the hell would i know about coffee or tea? i've only been a barista going on 4 years!! anyway, he acted as though i'm completely ignorant and proceeded to make a grainy, too strong, awful batch of yerba. now, this situation on its own wouldn't be such a big deal if it wasn't a reflection of what has been happening in our relationship for a while. so, i'm left feeling devalued and worthless and i start crying right there in front of his whole family. i can't help it! so he takes me in the other room and we start crying together, wiping all the snot off each others' faces and telling one another just to try to be nicer. after about 45 weepingly miserable minutes, we join the family for lunch with our eyes still red and puffy, trying to feign Christmas cheer... fooling nobody.

well at least, later that night, i got to play ping pong.

new creations!

2008-12-25T00:45:00.002-05:00

made these owl scarves today. way sweet. ow, i think they gave me a cavity. somebody cute would wear them.

wear

2008-12-23T22:08:00.010-05:00

just wanted to post a few of my recent projects of which i'm proud. i just sold them to a clothing store for a nice amount of money today!

these are some hand sewn scarves with a few characters on them. from what i saw when i was in brooklyn recently, this whole 90s flannel thing is coming back. hence the plaid.

close ups of birds and deers. i made an awesome handbag that i neglected to take a picture of.

get all of these and more at Cherry Bomb in Lou, KY or contact me! and i'm about to have a show of my new orleans photography at the Monkey House in late Jan. keep you posted!

so this is the new Live Journal?

2008-12-23T18:36:00.005-05:00

i guess i'm not really keeping up with the times because i occasionally still use my live journal to blog.... since 2002!?

well, this may start out on a serious note and may explain my lack of writing in general for the past couple of years. here is a letter i wrote a few weeks ago to somebody who means a lot to me, and the only person who i've ever felt truly understands me:

From: april mayhem
Date: Dec 8, 2008 1:34 PM

yeah. im still getting some shit figured out. i may have to stay here for a while. i never pictured my life beyond certain years, and now, i think, in order to survive, visualization must occur. in essence, i'm in fear of decomposing. i've had my head underground much too long. i'm in the process of resolving my whole past, and not just parts of it. coming to grips with certain mistakes i made when my life seemed worthless and futile and every successive morning was one too many. i don't know if you've ever been to that place, but you've certainly witnessed me in the grips of it. i have floated just above this place for the past 3-4 years, idly associating with one meaningless activity after another, unaware of the compost building beneath my skin. because to rot is a silent gesture.

anyway, i suppose this, moreover, explains something important about which i have needed to express for myself. and i have recently concluded that a thing such as "true nature" exists. i guess, i am now actively in pursuit of this thing, or trying, at least, with much earnestness, to get back to it. and this, decidedly, is a purely mental task.

nick and i are together again. its pretty comfortable. the house is great, warm, the dining room is my messy studio, and i have a cool new house mate named sarah. turtle is the very definition of anthropomorphic. and she becomes more so every day.

how's your life. what are you doing really? like physically. tell me a story. how's your love interest? i guess you're biking a lot. i was riding my 10 speed every day this summer but now its cold and i have my license and all.

you have an idea for a shirt? do tell.

talk to you soon. or hit me up. although i like this writing thing.

and yes, of course, he replied with the sentimentality i expected, the warm comprehension i lacked, and made my sudden earthly estrangement bearable.